by Carolyn Ashby

You remember the type, or perhaps he sits next to you in math every day: tall, handsome, plays sports, wears his varsity jacket everywhere, picks on you mercilessly. At a school presentation by Outright VT, an organization that works with gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender youth, he shamelessly heckles every speaker. For many, this confirms his position as top jock and ultimate straight guy.

What those many don't know is that he walked up to the panel facilitator afterwards to say, "I'm sorry I had to do that, but I couldn't let them know it was me you were talking about."

It's a true story, one of Education/ Outreach Coordinator Heather Geoffrey's most vivid memories of her work at Outright Vermont.

Hired in October 1998, bringing Outright's full-time staff to a "huge" total of three, Heather has expanded the Speaker's Bureau's capacity -- during 1998, it gave 69 presentations to almost 2000 people statewide. She also publishes a newsletter to communicate with and support its members, and provides monthly mailings to school-based Gay/Straight Alliances across the state. In coming years, she hopes to "be involved at a younger school-age level and to increase participation in rural areas."

Ten years ago, this active education program -- and accompanying developments in direct services for youth -- was little more than the dream of a "group of dedicated people who saw a need." Josie Juhasz, a member of that group and first Executive Director of Outright, says she "didn't know it could go so far. Where Outright is now has surpassed my wildest dreams."

In 1988, conversations about the needs of GLB youth had been happening for some time. Then news of a national report on youth suicide trickled out. Statistics deeming gay youth three times more likely to attempt suicide -- and more likely to succeed -- than their heterosexual peers "jolted folks into action." Josie, Bill Lippert, Howdy Russell, Naomi Tannen, Keith Goslant, and many others began to consider starting a non-profit organization to tackle the problem.

Isolated conversations became after-hours meetings at the Counseling Service of Addison County, which became regular dinners at various homes. Within a year, the group had chosen an organizational direction, pooled and budgeted their own money, applied for and received a grant, rented space from Vermont CARES (then on Elmwood Avenue in Burlington), hired a part-time director, and headed a group of youth in Vermont's first Pride parade. Core programs such as a hotline, support groups, and a speaker's bureau were in place; the mission was, as it is now, to provide safe spaces and support to gay and questioning youth and education to the community in order to create a welcoming environment for all youth.

The early years were punctuated by "the usual growing pains of young, small non-profits," unexpected allies in school and community librarians, a tremendous "outpouring from the community" of library donations, and an "explosion of presentations to service providers" and other groups. Dot Brauer, director from 1991-92, recalls a statewide survey of high school educators and administrators showing that most were aware of difficulties facing gay youth and cared deeply, but felt ignorant and helpless to do anything. Dot relished opportunities to "shake them a little -- to open their eyes and their minds, and interest them in this issue." Brauer also recalls hard phone calls and letters, harassment and threats following heartbreaking news of a suicide in the Northeast Kingdom.

For youth "who had enough courage to take the risk and explore," who found Outright in their search for connection and normalcy, results were often spectacular. Juhasz says, "You could literally see [the depression that brought them in] lift overnight." Eileen McCaffrey, one of those early youth, now on Outright's board, recalls that it was "so affirming that there were other gay people out there who liked who they were and that having that community made it all okay. I can't even quantify its effect."

Heather Geoffrey sees the same effect in today's Speaker's Bureau youth. "The opportunity to be heard, to hear other people's stories, and to see they're not alone," she says, is incredibly empowering, as is attending presentations where youth discuss the effects of homophobia in their lives.

In 1992, Outright moved to its current office space on College Street. The next year, Karin Eade became director, after having been a student intern and then assistant director.

Over the next several years, momentum and connections were built that led to the Building Bridges to Equity Conference. Co-sponsored by the Vermont departments of education and health, the 1996 conference drew 250 mental health, youth service, government, and school professionals, parents and youth for a day of presentations and workshops devoted to gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth and their families. With an inspiring keynote by Catriona McHardy, director of education for Planned Parenthood of Northern New England, this powerful conference had ripple effects long afterward. Many of the young people who attended at ages 12 or 13 "came out with a bang shortly thereafter. One joined Outright's Speakers Bureau," notes current director Tami Eldridge.

That year also saw the direct services coordinator position become full time as Tage Lilja celebrated his first anniversary working with Outright.

But perhaps the most important change of 1996 came when transgender youth were officially added to the mission statement. Josie Juhasz remarked that this was one of the major new developments since Outright's beginnings: "Transgender was not even in the language, that was not part of the [original] conversation." The acknowledgement of that change became one of the deciding factors in the next change of leadership.

In 1997, the Board felt Outright's position was strong enough to be able to undertake a national search for a new director. That search attracted Eldridge, signaling what Brauer calls a "sea-change" for the organization. Eldridges's base of experience and strong grant-writing skills added depth and breadth to the organization's efforts. "Finally, some dreams I had had came to fruition -- regular newsletters, a membership structure, a dedicated youth space," says Brauer.

Eldridge herself is quick to credit her "loving, enthusiastic, and dedicated, not to mention talented" staff, board members who contribute time, energy, and commitment, and volunteers "without whom we could not exist. There is no aspect of Outright that volunteers are not contributing to."

Other community organizations contribute to Outright's success as well. PFLAG, state agencies like the departments of health and education, funders such as the Ben & Jerry's and Vermont Community Foundations, and local churches and synagogues all get credit for support of Outright and its mission.

All that work has led to a community where youth can be comfortable and active. Mike Bensel, the UVM student and Outright volunteer who will become Outright's first Americorps VISTA worker in September noted, "The community that [Outright] has built here is amazing. It allowed me to come out and to thrive." Outright youth Marck May, a Peer Outreach Worker at Spectrum Youth and Family Services, observes, "It's unbelievable that in a state as small as Vermont, GLBTQA youth can do so much. A lot of the credit goes to Outright."

One recent achievement of Vermont GLBTQA youth was a series of historic meetings with state officials. In November 1997, Governor Howard Dean -- on his birthday -- spent well over the allotted time talking with 17 queer youth from around the state. The meeting was remarkable for several reasons: the uniting of people from schools, provider organizations, and the community, the bravery and confidence of the youth, and the fact that they were heard without adults in the room. But perhaps the most remarkable thing was that the "youth were more awed by being in a room with 16 other queer youth than by meeting the Governor," remembers Eldgridge

A similar meeting was held in March 1998 with then Commissioner of Education Marc Hull. In his letter to those who attended, Hull wrote, "For me it was an eye opening experience that left me with a profound sense of respect for each of you who took the time to share your personal experiences." As a result of this meeting, the Department of Education pegged Shaun Donahue to work part-time coordinating Safe Schools for GLBTQ Youth initiatives.

As well, school gay-straight alliances now number more than a dozen. Eldridge attributes that to "the incredible courage and bravery of young people at schools all over the state who still have to do it for themselves." She also cites the leadership of youth such as Patrick and Kristen in Rutland, who challenged their school to live up to its non-discrimination policies, and Palmer Legare, featured in Time magazine for founding a GSA at his Cabot school and supporting student efforts at other schools. Palmer in turn credits Outright, which, he says, "gave me the stability and confidence in myself to do me the things I'm doing now. If it weren't for them, I would probably still be struggling."

Approximately 275 youth accessed Outright's Direct Services in 1998, a substantial increase over 1997. Since 1991, through direct service and education, Outright has touched the lives of more than 15,000 Vermonters of all ages. Direct Services Coordinator Tage Lilja oversees weekly support groups, an 800 hotline, Reaching Out -- a 'zine by and for GLBTQ youth, and activities in the Xando youth space. This "constellation of ways that youth can access our resources," he says, is essential to responding to the varying needs of Vermont's youth. Recent years have seen growth in email contacts, and a recent grant will help Outright revamp its Web site to make it more youth-friendly and perhaps enable youth to connect with each other online.

Opportunities for support and leadership through direct services have expanded exponentially over the last few years. Some of this growth can be attributed to increased civil rights protections in Vermont over the years. One of the more exciting developments this has made possible is the Youth Planning Committee, begun in December 1998. This group of youth plans and implements activities they feel are important to them. The focus and energy this group brings to Outright's programming contributed greatly to the success such events as the Heroes and Villains prom and Youth Pride this past spring. Lilja would like to see youth involvement grow to include "some stipend positions and opportunities for young people to join the board."

Outright youth are finding ways to be involved in the broader community as well. For the last two years, an Outright-supported and youth-facilitated Queer Youth Speak Out has been among the most powerful workshops at the VCLGR Annual Town Meeting. The R.U.1.2? Community Center has embraced youth involvement and leadership in its Coffeehouse series. Teens Taking Charge, a yearly HIV prevention retreat organized by Outright and Headrest of NH for GLBTQA youth, educates, connects, and energizes youth from Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine. Watching this group of kids dancing, chatting, and building friendships is one of Lilja's most powerful memories of recent years.

Eldridge has similar favorite moments. The group proudly (and loudly) following the "Youth for Pride, Pride for Youth" banner in June was the largest in the parade, and the second annual Pride Ball @ City Hall was even more wildly successful than the first. "It is incredibly gratifying to march in a Pride where proud parents are carrying our banner" Eldridge said, "and incredibly moving to see people between the ages of six and 60-something out on the dance floor having a ball at a chem-free dance."

Outright serves adults as well as youth in many ways. Few organizations play a similar role in educating the educators and the larger community. Adults in the GLBT community can find in Outright a "sense of energy and synergy, a new dimension to their identity" as they take on leadership roles and carve out a space for the youth, observes Dot Brauer.

Still Much to Be Done

Amidst the progress, there are cautionary notes. Health issues surrounding GLBTQ youth remain the same as ten years ago; the suicide rates are still far too high. "It doesn't make the papers, but it is still happening in Vermont," laments Eldridge. "The fear, isolation, and stress, the lack of access to information is still extreme [for many youth]."

In addition, today's youth face new challenges. Brauer worries about the new climate of 'cool to be cruel' in schools and the possibility for violence embedded in a radical right backlash around gay marriage. Another challenge comes from within the GLBTQA youth community. Immense media attention to queer identities has created certain expectations among today's youth. "Now when young people gather," observes Eldridge, "they are not only giving each other support but also giving each other pressure to come out and be visible. Because of the circumstances in Vermont, there's an attitude that it's safe for everybody to be out."

McCaffrey emphasizes that it's "vitally important to have a place for youth as they're coming out, [to offer] ways of finding a healthy community." Outright needs volunteers, and donors, as urgently as it ever has to ensure that it survives and thrives in the years to come.

As McCaffrey remembers well: Imagine hearing about this organization for gay youth, even having been to a meeting or two. You're still nervous, feeling tentative, and late for your third meeting. Imagine you've circled the block a few times, loitered at the doorway, finally made your way up the stairs. Imagine opening the door, looking in at the faces in the room, seeing on the couch across from you a good friend from home. Imagine the excitement of "discovering that not only is the community [you've found] full of strangers, but it's also full of friends."

You've come a long way, baby!

Copyright © 1999 Mountain Pride Media, Inc.