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Okay, I've just received one of those flyers from the Human Rights Campaign trying to get me all worked up about the latest round of anti-gay ads. Apparently, there's now one in which an "ex-gay" man talks about how sometimes, when you're young, you make the wrong choices, and that when he was young and foolish he got "involved" with homosexuality and drugs. Then, his mother decided to tell him the "truth" about homosexuality to "set him free," but of course, now it's too late, because he has AIDS.
Now, I know I'm supposed to be outraged, and more importantly, I'm supposed to immediately write this big whopping check to HRC (oh, as if HRC can't get enough money from those white male investment bankers in New York who keep pictures of faux girlfriends on their desks), but somehow, I can't help but find these ads just a tad bit humorous. I just love this concept that the homosexual "lifestyle" is this endless orgy of sex and drugs (not to mention disco music and cross-dressing).
What I want to know is whether these people have ever been to a lesbian social function. Because the last year of my life has been an endless succession of overblown dyke dramas and potlucks. Just last weekend, I went to this big annual barbecue/shindig at a secluded country estate. Eighty-six lesbians showed up - yes, that's 86 wild, wanton women, many of them bra-less.
You want to know what they did?
They sat around and ate.
Then they had dessert and coffee (except for those who don't do caffeine).
Then some of them sang songs (Indigo Girls, of course), while others took walks, pitched horseshoes, or engaged in that eternal Tevas vs. Birkenstocks debate.
The only thing people OD on at these functions is chocolate, and the only thing you'll end up with in your crotch is the nose of some big, goofy dog. (Well, okay, most of the time that's all you'll end up with in your crotch...heh, heh, heh.)
But seriously, who lives this lifestyle? An endless orgy of sex and drugs? Please! I wish. Granted, I'm no expert on the gay male lifestyle, and you know, we lesbians do hear wild stories from time to time - bare-backing, anonymous bathroom sex, the cooking and eating of red meat (No! Please! Say it isn't so!).
Still, I'm somewhat suspicious that anyone could be having this much fun, that some all-night nude rave is going on somewhere in these placid Green Mountains and I just don't know about it.
But hey, if I'm wrong, and you happen to be in charge of this homosexual "lifestyle"...can you put me on your mailing list?
